2. The Organivore
“It’s finally farmer’s market season again! I just don’t know how I’ve managed all winter without kale.” Beyond filling their basket with root vegetables and cold pressed olive oil from the next valley over at the weekly market, the Organivore is also known to always opt for the kind of authentic eateries that serve wine in Mason jars unironically.
7. The Avoider
“No thanks: I’m off gluten right now. Also, could you put the cream sauce on the side? I’m avoiding dairy. There aren’t any traces of nightshades in this, are there?” Be it dairy, gluten, corn, soy, meat, wheat or anything with a high glycemic index, the Avoider strictly follows the advice of the latest health book they have tracked down, much to the chagrin of those with actual food allergies. Rx: Give them a gluten-free vegan cupcake with sprinkles and they’ll be thrilled.
8. The Blogging Food Pornographer
“Let me get just one more shot. Wait, can you move the fork just a little to the right? Can we change the lighting at all?” Although they run a traffic-laden culinary corner of the internet, your blogging food porn addict just can’t give it up. Ever. Food apps, a huge Instagram following, two lenses for the DSLR at every meal…the list goes on. Rx: Ask them to explain Tumblr.
I fear I'm not enough of a hipster to relate to some aspects of the list but the Rx advice on how to deal with your foodie friends is pretty funny.
It looks like there is one eastern Washington city made the cut on the list of worst city slogans. Walla Walla Washington's slogan reads, "The city so nice they named it twice." Go for the full list and map.
Here's some wisdom from the Onion for getting through the day:
To keep your mother happy, seat her directly across from her one good child who actually did something with his life
Splurge and get the more expensive turkey; then, make sure to mention at least once an hour how you splurged and got the more expensive turkey
I guess I was guilty yesterday of bringing up twice that I bought the more expensive turkey. But did I mention that it was three times more expensive than the average bird. Too bad for my mom that my sister won't be sitting with us at the table tonight.
Days after the accidental passage of a bill allocating $30 trillion in federal subsidies to soybean producers, a massive tide of the protein-rich legumes has flooded the nation, crippling transportation networks, commerce, and public utilities, and profoundly disrupting American life.
"Soybeans are everywhere," Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack said Wednesday, noting that all 406 million acres of arable land in the United States have been converted to soybean cultivation as farmers sought a share of funds worth more than twice the gross domestic product. "Many citizens have shoveled out their driveways only to find that schools and businesses have been shut down. Millions more remain trapped indoors as windblown soybean drifts cover entire houses."
"For most, simply getting to the grocery store has become impossible," Vilsack continued. "Not that grocery stores have much in them besides soybeans at this point."
According to sources within the House Appropriations Committee, a misplaced decimal point deep inside the 279-page Farm Relief and Reform Act of 2010 increased the soy subsidy by roughly 1.75 million percent, precipitating the nationwide glut.
Based on my recent experience with posting on food policy reporting at the New York Times I think I should probably make some phone calls before passing judgment on these events.
But I don't need to make phone calls to agree that Chuck Grassley's behavior is indefensible:
In the Senate, meanwhile, efforts to repeal the subsidy have been held up by Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA), whose state now enjoys a median household income of $131 million.
"I'm not going to get into this silly debate about whether there are too many or too few soybeans," said Grassley, standing chest-deep in the hulled oilseeds as he addressed the Iowa Soybean Association. "The bottom line is this subsidy protects good, honest soybean jobs from being shipped overseas, and unlike my opponents, I choose to stand with American workers."
(In case your not busting up laughing at this point, this story is satire.)
I'm spending a lot of time with family during these prime vacation weeks. I offer these pics from the "Crap at My Parents' House" web tumblr as lighthearted therapeutic fodder for everyone spending time with family.
Video Demonstration: How Not to Remove a Squirrel from the Fireplace
Here's a video of our efforts to remove a giant squirrel from the fireplace last night. That's our neighbor with the fishing net. I'm the one screaming like a banshee. He is lurking somewhere upstairs in the house as I type. Nancy is bravely sleeping in the bedroom upstairs. The rest of us are sleeping in the basement.